Life after the end. Divorce and what you can do about it.

As cliché as it may sound, a divorce is not synonymous to the end of your life. Though it may feel as if the apocalypse was suddenly thrown right smack into your face, a little spark inside of you still burns with life a life that is not filled only with regret, hopelessness and guilt; but again of joy, happiness and the hope of a fulfilling life.

Put bluntly though, seeing that spark and making it glow is probably going be the closest to an impossible task that you may ever do. But painful as it may be, who says it can’t be an adventure altogether? An adventure in searching and pursuing the happiness that you once had but lost hold of!

Here are some things, though simple and might seem a bit silly, can aid you while in the process of healing your soul.

Things To Do After Divorce

Things To Do After Divorce:

  • Know and accept that the biggest threat to your recovery is yourself. Every day is a struggle to win against your own mind and darkness of the heart. It is the strength of your will that will determine who the winner will be.
  • Focus on things you can do instead of what you cannot. The temptation to bombard yourself with emotions of pain will be impossible to completely ward off. But if you try focusing on the things that you have the power to do, sooner than later will come the realization that you are not completely powerless over your own thoughts.
  • Forgive yourself. This will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life. Forgive yourself and you earn your way to freedom.
  • Ask for help. You don’t have to be completely alone at this time in your life. There is always that person you can call no matter the situation. It could be your sibling, parent or best friend.
  • Set light goals every day and try to achieve them. Simple things that you like to do are best to start with, for example if you like to paint then set a goal for yourself that you will finish a painting today, or perhaps this week. Then give yourself a little round of applause every time you achieve you goal; it will give you a feeling of victory.
  • Be productive. The worst thing you can do is to cope up inside your room waiting for eternity to pass you by. Do something that will take your mind off of any negativity.
  • Don’t strain yourself too much. Setting goals and being productive are great but be careful not to overdo them. Make do with small yet consistent dosages.
  • Accept that friends may not side with you. It does not mean that they love you less. Everyone just has a right to an opinion.
  • Socialize with the community. Making new friends is always a good experience and you need plenty of those right now.
  • Exercise. Who says you can’t be fit and look good in the midst of a divorce? Take a trip to the gym regularly, it will relieve stress and keep you healthy.
  • Make a bucket list. We’re all going to die someday, but that isn’t today yet! Make a list of things you want to do before you hit the bucket and start doing them.
  • Think positive thoughts. Don’t drown yourself in sorrow thinking burden of the world rests upon your shoulder.
  • Stop comparing your life with others. No they aren’t perfect either.
  • Start dreaming about what you’re going to do with your new life. Yes, it’s a new life so it isn’t the end yet!
  • Lend a helping hand. Help out you sister in decorating her room. Spare a dollar for the homeless guy you come across everyday on your way to work.
  • Talk to people who have been through something similar. Advice from the experienced is always welcome.
  • Be thankful the moment you open your eyes each morning. It is life giving you a hint that you are still important and are not deprived of a purpose in this world.
  • Make other people smile every day. Even strangers will appreciate your effort at making their day just a little better.
  • Finally, smile for yourself. It was you who did everything mentioned above. You deserve to have a smile on your face.

There is no magical remedy to the pain that you will go through in this process of adjustment. But before you know it, once everything has settled down, you’ll be surprised at how pure and genuine your laughter has become. Once again, you are happy.

Jessica Ressler is dedicated to the areas of matrimonial and family law. Ms. Ressler serves an Attorney for Children in Westchester and Putnam Counties.

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